I have a dog … a small dog. She looks like an Ewok from Stars Wars when her fur is long.
Last year I had a bad habit. I’d take my dog out and not pick up her do-do (number 2). Hey it’s outside my rented house so who cares! But my landlord wasn’t impressed and I could not blame her. Me failing to pick up my dog’s do-do was a reflection of my laziness and my less than thrilled enthusiasm to pick up warm mushy stinking dog do-do freshly deposited at my feet. Nothing beats the smell of dog do-do first thing in the morning. But I must show my responsibility … my dog is a member of my family. When my daughters had a dirty diaper, I’d change it. Now there’s something that challenges the smell of dog do-do …. P-U!
This morning, with my hand still holding the warm bag of doggie do-do, I got a got another surprise. There in the driveway behind my car was a neatly tied blue bag of dog do-do. Not mine … I use grocery bags … not the “official” doggie bags. RAGE immediately rises! Lizard brain surges forward! Then I calm down to a point and imagine the person who would think it appropriate to lob their dog do-do into my yard. What do I think of such a person? What perspective of that person do I have?
- They do not have much consideration. Their immediate needs come 1st.
- They do not have much of a conscience. Out of sight and out of mind! “Not my problem anymore!”
- They do not have the proper skills to take care of their dog. I’d hate to see them with their kids … of course I’m assuming they had luck procreating with another sentient being.
- They do not have much ambition … laziness must abound in that person’s life
- They do not want the responsibility or hassle of taking care of “business” (or do-do). Well you just made it my business … take your business elsewhere!
- They do not want to be seen carrying a bag of doggie do-do. SWALLOW your pride! Please keep all do-do out of your mouth when you do this! Such actions will cause GAGGING and intense GRIMANCING!
Now let’s count the “dos” …. 6 … now pair them up …. Tie them up in some of my frugal pseudo doggie bags … “…beaver goes up and around the tree and back into the pond … ” THERE! 3 bags of doggie do-do! Now all I need is the address of the person who threw the doggie do-do into my yard this morning. Damn! There isn’t an address on the that bag!
Please! The next time you lob your doggie do-do into my yard, please attach a forwarding address on the bag! I will do you a favour and personally walk your doggie do-do to your house and return your “present” with 3 additional bags of do-do from my dog.
I’m the Heretic Lemming.