Forwarding Address Please!


MoxieI have a dog … a small dog.  She looks like an Ewok from Stars Wars when her fur is long.

Last year I had a bad habit.   I’d take my dog out and not pick up her do-do (number 2).  Hey it’s outside my rented house so who cares!  But my landlord wasn’t impressed and I could not blame her.  Me failing to pick up my dog’s do-do was a reflection of my laziness and my less than thrilled enthusiasm to pick up warm mushy stinking dog do-do freshly deposited at my feet.  Nothing beats the smell of dog do-do first thing in the morning.  But I must show my responsibility … my dog is a member of my family.  When my daughters had a dirty diaper, I’d change it.  Now there’s something that challenges the smell of dog do-do …. P-U!

This morning, with my hand still holding the warm bag of doggie do-do, I got a got another surprise.  There in the driveway behind my car was a neatly tied blue bag of dog do-do.  Not mine … I use grocery bags … not the “official” doggie bags.  RAGE immediately rises!  Lizard brain surges forward!  Then I calm down to a point and imagine the person who would think it appropriate to lob their dog do-do into my yard.  What do I think of such a person?  What perspective of that person do I have?

  • They do not have much consideration.  Their immediate needs come 1st.
  • They do not have much of a conscience.  Out of sight and out of mind!  “Not my problem anymore!”
  • They do not have the proper skills to take care of their dog.  I’d hate to see them with their kids … of course I’m assuming they had luck procreating with another sentient being.
  • They do not have much ambition … laziness must abound in that person’s life
  • They do not want the responsibility or hassle of taking care of “business” (or do-do).  Well you just made it my business … take your business elsewhere!
  • They do not want to be seen carrying a bag of doggie do-do.  SWALLOW your pride!  Please keep all do-do out of your mouth when you do this!  Such actions will cause GAGGING and intense GRIMANCING! 

Now let’s count the “dos” …. 6 … now pair them up …. Tie them up in some of my frugal pseudo doggie bags … “…beaver goes up and around the tree and back into the pond … ”  THERE!  3 bags of doggie do-do!   Now all I need is the address of the person who threw the doggie do-do into my yard this morning.  Damn!  There isn’t an address on the that bag!

Please!  The next time you lob your doggie do-do into my yard, please attach a forwarding address on the bag!  I will do you a favour and personally walk your doggie do-do to your house and return your “present” with 3 additional bags of do-do from my dog.

I’m the Heretic Lemming.

Lead with thought … think before you jump!


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