What If GOD Were An Introvert?

religion-1046876_1280

It is my belief that  GOD does not give a DAMN how you worship, therefore, organized religion is just one person’s perspective on how to worship GOD … and we are assuming that GOD wants to be worshiped.  GOD is portrayed as an wrathful … sometimes very intolerant of other’s opinions … “my way or the highway” viewpoint … isn’t that kinda of an extroverted point of view?

What if GOD was really an introvert?  Let’s look at what GOD does ….

GOD, at least to some people’s point of view, is the creator.  Introverts tend to be more creative … so if GOD is literally the creator of everything … suffice it to say that he/she/it is more likely an introvert?  Yet the common mythology of GOD shows him as very EGO centric (the wrath of GOD … yada yada … and all that Jazz… “GOD! GET OVER YOURSELF! YOU CANNOT ALWAYS BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION!”).

If GOD was an introvert, wouldn’t that explain his hands off approach to the world?  What if GOD just wants us to figure things out and governs the law of nature and living being lives from a servant leader perspective?  Strong leaders let their followers make their own mistakes so that they can learn from them.  They don’t chastise them to the point they are a afraid to make any mistakes.

Sometimes you think GOD has split personality … tolerant but vengeful.  Maybe he’s just having a bad day on those vengeful days … or maybe he has a bipolar disorder and needs his meds … WAIT!  HOLD YOUR LIGHTNING BOLTS GOD!  I know how your get easily PO-ed!  Thank GOD my GOD is not ZEUS!

What if GOD were humble, kind, generous, selfless?  Is this the GOD we see in our extroverted culture?

If GOD was an introvert, maybe there would be more humility in the world … more tolerance of others … less fear … more cooperation … more celebration of one’s differences and less emphasis in following the crowd for the sake of following the crowd.

GOD and introvert!  FUNNY I know!  There is no evidence in the history of the world that GOD is generally viewed other than an extroverted deity … but just think how many of society’s problems could be diminished or even solved if we worshiped a GOD that had an introverted personality.

Hmmm … amen.

I’m the Heretic Lemming.

Lead with thought.  Think before you jump!

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HOPE! A Soul’s Forest Fire

FM houseHope … a trek across the nation.

Maritimes behind them … leaving their struggles behind.

We arrived … at Manhattan … but it’s not New York … it’s the name of the building.

Building smells … sewer smell often permeates the apartment.

Thin walls … shift workers … noises at all hour of the day.

Stressed family … crying children … neighbours threatening to call Child Services.

Hope … a brand new apartment building … on the edge of construction.

Neighbourhoods under construction viewed from the balcony of my new home.

Cement floors  … no furniture … uneasy sleep

… but the community cares … gift baskets … donated furniture … feelings of belonging in our new home.

Canada Day Parades … community pride … we are part of the community

Hot tempers … health issues … domestic dispute … policemen visit.

Hope … a brand new rented townhouse … 1st to live there … our place …

1st shower … leaking pipes … a building check missed … signs of rapid building in our community.

Daughter struggling … cruel kids … fearing that what they do not understand … tourettes … but kids don’t care.

Determination … resilient … very proud … my daughter is recognized and awarded by her school for her struggles.  Our family love of the community grows.

Family vacations … REAL family vacations!   Another trek … Jasper … Banff … Canmore … Calgary … Drumheller … Edmonton … then back up highway 63.

Hope … qualify for subsidy to buy a new house.  Surreal … I’m making over 100K … but money means nothing in this northern community.

Viewing … inspections … family approves … we moved in in April 2009.  A feeling of establishment in our forested community.

Another big family vacation … back to the Maritimes … for the 1st time since we left in 2007.

Family reunions … some good … some not …

It’s fall!  Girl Guides!  Daughter ostracized … leaders show no understanding of my daughter’s tourettes.

Pain … anger … a loss of faith.  People you’d  work with at the city decide your daughter’s fate.

Hope … the Aurora Choir!  My daughter sings with so many other girl and boys from the community.

The Olympic Flame … will visit our community before it reaches the west coast of BC.

Special preparations … excited choir … but not for my daughter … one leader and children’s parents decide to kick my daughter out of the choir … mere days before the Olympic Flame arrives in our community.

sadness creeps in … the community … does it really care?  More loss in faith ….

Hope … private singing lessons for my daughter to amend and fix the actions of those who did not understand.

The Olympic GAMES!   I’m watching Canada playing hockey in BC.

Tempers flare … loud voices … a trio of policemen arrive and stare …

A flinch … handcuffs on … pleas of understanding fail to reach the ears of a trio of policemen who don’t care.

Jail … my daughter is in jail!  All due to an innocent flail.

Pacing … pacing … outside of the jail … policemen hold my daughter in the bowels of the municipal building that I go to every working day.

Heart breaking … my mind turns … faith lost in the community … my soul … has a new hollow feeling about a community that took my family in.

Hope … My community … I still have my community at work that will help mend my damaged soul.

Elected officials plot … plan … to bring a hatchet man in … as they promise their staff that everything is OK with a sinister grin.

FEAR!  Patronizing talk … meetings of “father knows best” … rumours and tales abound of managers leaving … let go … with a muzzle like they were somehow the hound.

Clinging … desperate … trying to hang on as toxic waters swirled and drowned.

Hope … I tell my staff … no need to fear … only managers are being jeered.

Head hurts … always hurt … as my management team puts me in my place … preparing for my date with fate.

DESPAIR!  Lost my job … to my manager who wanted my job.  Lost of trust and faith … my soul scorched and writhing in agony.

Unemployment … PTSD … years looking for full time work … Diabetes 2 … and a heart attack too.  My long journey continues to heal my scorched soul.

I had a heart attack in late April … it runs in my family.  But as I watch the news about the Fort McMurray forest fire … I can’t help but feel my connection to that community.  Fort McMurray have resilient people.  I see people I used to work with on TV … people I worked with in meetings.  My heart suffered a hit … it changed me … made me think from a different new perspective.    I guess … more forgiving … more open … more honest.   Fort McMurray also took a hit … they are in the process of healing after the heart of city was threatened by a beast of a forest fire.  I’m hoping … going forward … that Fort McMurray will remember what made them great before, during, and inevitably after the fire.  This forest fire is a renewal for Fort McMurray … hopefully for a kinder community for families who are hoping for a better future there.

Ha Ha

Charlottetown HospitalHa Ha 2

“Nice day to walk the dog …”

Ha Ha 2

“What was that?  A skipped beat?”  Funny feelings …

Ha Ha 2

“Am I feeling anxiety?”

Ha Ha 2

Almost home … gotta check the mail …

Ha Ha 2

I’m home time for lunch.  Gotta see my doctor in one hour about my blood test.

Ha Ha 2

“There!  Lunch is made.”  A homemade roll from my mother and a roast beef sandwich.

Ha Ha 2

“That roll was good.  Geez … is this indigestion?”  I drink some water … the pain is still there … I drink more water …

Ha Ha 2

“Anxiety … this must be anxiety … after all I’ve gone to emergency before with the same sort of symptoms” … but this time it feels different somehow …

Ha Ha 2

I bite my sandwich nervously … I’ve lost my appetite … pain is still there.

Ha Ha 2

Don’t panic …. DON’T PANIC!  35 MINUTES UNTIL MY DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT!

Ha Ha 2

Jeez!  Pain in my left arm … damn itIs this anxiety?  “What’s wrong?”  says my wife.  “Nothing (lying) … gotta go to my doctor’s appointment” … as I rush out the door to my car.

Ha Ha 2

Pain in my arm still there … “be calm” … I say in my head … must ignore slow drivers … “don’t panic” … I was not thinking of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy … although thoughts of continued life raced through my head … the number 42 was not what I thought of. “Geez!  Get out of my way!  Who gave you your driver’s license?  Captain Crunch?”

Ha Ha 2

Made it to my doctor’s office 15 minutes before my appointment.  “For the love of God!  The door is locked for lunch!  Damn it!”  The burning pain in my arm is still there!  “This has to be anxiety … do I call an ambulance? … I don’t want to pay for the ambulance.”  Being unemployed and lack of money puts foolish thoughts in your head.

Ha Ha 2

This is no laughing matter!  Am I having a heart attack?   All those other times … times my hypochondria over my heart … father’s side ripe with heart attacks  … I’d always go to emergency and find out it was just anxiety.  “Ow!  My left arm hurts when I lean on it!”  Stay calm … should I call an ambulance?”

Ha Ha 2

The door opens to the Diabetic Clinic early.  “Thank God!”  I ask for the receptionist if she had aspirin … “Sorry I don’t”.  One must has to be amused by the irony of no aspirin in this situation  … at least I did manage a smile in my head over this.

Ha Ha 2

5 minutes later … I’m talking to my Nurse Practitioner.  Not a doctor I know but that’s the best that could be done in my area … chronic shortage of doctors but she’s great!  Best “doctor” I’ve ever had!

Ha Ha 2

Tears are welling in my eyes … she asks how am doing … “Well you caught me at an interesting time.  I don’t know if I’m having a heart attack or not.”  I’m now 40 minutes into the initial signs.

Ha Ha 2

Somehow telling my nurse practitioner relieves the pain.  “Maybe it was anxiety again.” I thought.  “You should go to EMERGENCY.” She said.

Ha Ha 2

I took her advice.

Ha Ha 2

Nurses … meds … blood tests … x-rays … waiting … a doctor’s initial assessment.

Ha Ha 2

1st blood test says I didn’t have a heart attack.  But it takes 3 hours to show evidence of a heart attack in one’s blood.

Ha Ha 2

2nd blood test taken … waiting … more waiting …

Ha Ha 2

6 hours have passed since my incident … “it must’ve been anxiety … I can hardly wait to go home”I tell myself foolishly … sort of embarrassed that I had came to the hospital over anxiety AGAIN!

Ha Ha 2

Doctor walks in … sits down …. “… you had a heart attack but there is no evidence of tissue death.”

Ha Ha 2

“What?”  … the doctor made me focus on the circumstances.  There were differences in what I experienced this time … it did not really feel like anxiety I realized after being truly honest with myself.

Ha Ha 2

Meds … monitors … bings … pings … wires … nurses … blood tests … strange nightmares … uneasy sleep

Ha Ha 2

Days passed.  Then I was sent for a Dye test.

Ha Ha 2

Dye test done … monitors showed pictures my heart live on tv screens and they squirted dye into my heart to track and see source of the problem …  Geez I went to Broadcasting school but this is not what I signed up for.

Ha Ha 2

… within 10 or 15 minutes … the doctor explains that I had suffered a rather unique Heart Attack.  HA HA  THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER!  This is weird!  Somehow I had a heart attack that effects mostly women … mostly young people … young women … pregnant women … athletes.  I’m no athlete.  But there I laid in the hospital room where they performed the Cardiac Catheterization (Dye Test) and received news that I had Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection (SCAD).  Only 4% of heart attacks are SCAD.  90% of those are women.

Still not laughing but my perspective has changed.   Your mind is somehow shaken of all the useless stuff after suffering a health crisis.  I’m keen to get over it.  I’ve joined a help group on Facebook  to help … SCAD Survivors.  I’m getting a lot of initial support from other survivors.  I’ve also qualify for a special 3 years research project into SCAD causes.   Being a scientist at heart … I had no problem giving consent … might be fun to participate.

My life is on a new adventure.  One that I did not anticipate.  But don’t worry … I’ll still make observations of today’s society … it will just have a fresher newer perspective.  Grow with life … seek ways to make society better and don’t let others pull you down to less than of your full potential.

I’m the Heretic Lemming.

Lead with thought … think before you jump!